I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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