he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Randomize
