eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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