I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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