Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
