Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
