Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
