Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
