If i come over, it means nothing
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize