i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
