So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
