508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Pappa wants mamma naked
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
