his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
