I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
