you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
