I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
