I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
