i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
