also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
