my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
