She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize