don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
