You're completely useless in the revolution.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize