we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
