Swine flu. Run for my life!
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
