I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
it was like eating out sand paper
You're like the curious george of whores
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
why is half of my head shaved?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize