She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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