fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
