dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
