Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
