there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
