He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
