dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
