How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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