I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
