Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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