He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
