We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
