Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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