You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
why does every cop we meet know your name?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
