Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
