how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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