Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Fuck me I smell like cheese
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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