Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
