god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize