You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
