i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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