just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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