OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
