I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
