She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
