someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Even my vagina gasped.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize