you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
