i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
