Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
