I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
