My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
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