Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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