Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Don't tell me you're on acid again
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
