I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
What did we do last night that was yellow?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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