She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Four minutes until I can fart!
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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