hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
