sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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