peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
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