This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I didn't notice because vodka
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I am naked and annoyed.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
