Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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