i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize