I can't watch pbs sober anymore
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
