Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize