apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
