absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
