Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
