Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
