you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
