we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
