I'm really into asian looking animals
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
this is an emotional support booty call
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
