In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
