So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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