Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
