dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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