yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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