i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and she was petting her beer can
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
