It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
