The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
