I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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