I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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