Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
My penis needs a shock collar
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
