I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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