She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
