hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize