I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
